Breaking News

  Breaking News

  Maxima City Talent

  Vol. 3

  CB Archer

  Breaking News

  Copyright © 2020, CB Archer

  All rights reserved.

  Unauthorized distribution or reproduction is strictly prohibited.

  The following is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and brands are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons living, dead, or the living dead, is entirely coincidental or used with permission.

  The following work is a satirical parody of comic book superheroes. While the author and editor have a pretty expansive knowledge of the genre, it is by no means exhaustive. We have done our best to ensure our characters do not infringe upon the rights of others. If you believe that we have inadvertently used a name you hold the rights to, please feel free to contact the author or editor to let us know. We are flexible and willing to make changes and would rather not be sued.

  Maxima City Talent Series Copyright 2016-2020 Christina McMullen. Permission to use and expand upon the existing property is granted to CB Archer for this volume with no implied ownership. In other words, Archer is the sole copyright holder for Breaking News while Maxima City Talent is the intellectual property of McMullen.

  Cover art, Layout and Design by CB Archer.

  Also by CB Archer:

  Annals of Gentalia: Ander’s Quest Series

  Breakers of the Code

  Fighters of the Code

  Patchers of the Code

  Tales of Gentalia: Game of the Year Edition

  Featuring 13 Novelettes set in the Gentalia Universe

  The C.ollege of U.nited M.onsters Series

  Desires of the Deep

  Centaur of Attention

  Gorgon in 69 Seconds

  Nuttin’ But Trouble

  Chapter 1

  Zap! I shook my hand in alarm and instinctively shoved my finger into my mouth to quell the pain. ’Pain’ was a poor word choice considering the severity of the situation, but since I hadn’t had my tea yet this morning I was sticking with it. I winced and pressed the button again, since when the damn thing shocked you it didn’t actually work.

  Zap! Ouch!

  Again? I wasn’t expecting the arch-nemesis of my morning routine to strike twice but now I had a plan, and like any good resident of Maxima City, I spoke my plan out loud for the maximum amount of dramatic effect.

  “Let’s see if you can generate enough electricity to shock me when I am not even on the ground foul beast!”

  I hovered with a mix of the draft caused by the swamp coolers and my ability to fly. Not even the city’s most malfunctioning button could possibly give someone a static electricity shock from wearing their favourite morning slippers and walking on the terrible shag hallway carpet when that person could fly. How would I be your grounding point now?!

  Ding!

  I had done it. I had won. The elevator had been successfully called. I hovered in triumph and sipped my tea. ‘R’ was pressed and I took great pride in the fact that during this trip, I never once touched the floor, or the ceiling, which was surprisingly hard to do while levitating, considering the escape vent was stuck permanently open, but it was personal this morning. The door stuttered open to my rooftop of solitude. No one else in the building ever came up here unless they were impassioned newspaper delivery teens with nowhere else to go or it was a night with a fireworks display.

  “Morning, Sue!” a friendly voice called out.

  Okay, so Don came up to the roof on occasion to mess with the Heavily Regulated Global Dominator Mark II, but it was Don. He didn’t count as an annoyance to my peace and quiet because, well, because he was Don.

  “Morning.” I smiled back as I settled down on the patio chair I had left up here, placing my tea on the wobbly table and getting out my latest morning passion, Sudoku. Quiet moments passed while neither Don nor I talked, just some random mutterings to ourselves in peace. I erased the ‘6’ for the eighth time in the last four minutes and scoffed. Easy difficulty? On what planet is this easy difficulty Sudoku? This ‘6’ didn’t go anywhere! No, wait. It went there. Right? Probably.

  I heard Don mumble louder and took the opportunity to put down my Sudoku prison and see what he was up to. He had his Banging Wrench and was desperately attempting to turn a knob on the Heavily Regulated Global Dominator Mark II. Each twist caused the tornado over Southington Heights to lesson in severity.

  Tornados? Whatever Don was doing was more interesting than figuring out where the stupid ‘6’ went in this ‘easy puzzle’ and I abandoned my new - I admitted to myself right then that it would be short lived - morning addiction.

  Don started to talk to me without even looking up from his work. He knew that I was investigating. Investigating was kind of my thing.

  “Last night a bunch of lousy Mals tried to rob a bank, and can you guess who showed up right in the nick of time to save the day?”

  It wasn’t a guess, since I already knew the answer. “Blo-Hard?”

  “You got it. And can you guess who was robbing said bank?” Don said as he finished his elimination of the tornado in the distance.

  This was a harder question, but I pride myself with my deductive reasoning, and knew that I could figure it out if I looked at the clues. There was a grizzly red murder fog settling in on the financial district of the city, but there was also a bank of nightmare clouds above. This was tough, I couldn’t decide.

  “It was either The Deadly Red or Knight Mare.”

  “Yep.” Don nodded, “It was both of those idiots.”

  Both of those idiots and Blo-Hard? No wonder Don was up here this morning. He had probably spent all night attempting to settle the weather. A lever was pulled and the bank of nightmares and the murder fog began to mix, forming dark, but harmless, storm clouds.

  Don grumbled, “I know I said it was going to be sunny today but if those idiots can’t be bothered to file a proper Weather Disruption Permit with the city then those idiots can get rained on all day.”

  A raindrop hit my nose. I didn’t mind the rain, I never have. It is calming, peaceful, and lovely to hear pattering on the roof at night while under a blanket, sipping tea. The bolt of lightning that hit the dead potted plant from my long-abandoned attempt of a rooftop gardening project though, that one I did mind. I spent good money on that rhododendron, and even if it was dead I was the only one allowed to trash it.

  Don yelled something as his Banging Wrench was zapped out of his hand and off the roof. He ducked for cover from the sudden hurricane force winds. I didn’t hear what he said but I assumed it was something that would have been bleeped out on an official broadcast.

  The winds raged about us, piercing the sky with shards of hail framed by the thunderous boom of a nightmarish murder fog cloud tornado.

  This storm would no longer allow itself to be tamed by the wrench of Don, oh no. This storm was now alive. Breathing with virulent energies of all creation, a storm that would-not, could-not be quelled until it had fed on the very life of the city itself.

  I flew up into the sky and thrust my Silver Armband up high. The storm fought back, they always do. A blast of lightning lashed out at my outstretched hand, but at that moment I knew I could win. This storm was all show, no substance. It was too bold, too brash, as storms go, and it hesitated when I even slightly pushed back. My eyes flashed with electricity as I pulled hard on the wilting will of the storm. It relented and was now mine to command. I commanded it to destroy itself.

  I descended to the rooftop; the sun shone through the waning clouds. The storm had been defeated. I won and it pleased me.

  “I loosened it for you.” Don laughed and I smiled
back.

  Morning tea time was over, and I hadn’t even drunk my tea. In fact, it was now diluted with murder nightmare rain, but I didn’t mind because the sudden storm had also destroyed that stupid Sudoku book and now I wouldn’t be forced to get through it to justify the cost. I was truly terrible at Sudoku and when I got back to my assigned apartment to get more tea, I was going to put the Medium and Hard books from that three-pack in the Take to Donation Bag and pretend the storm destroyed them as well. That would probably be for the best.

  What I was not terrible at though is controlling murder nightmare storms. I ruled over that storm! It bowed to me because I am the master. I am the mistress of storms! I do not fear Mother Nature, for she fears me! I am the almighty Susanna Squalls, controller of lightning, shaper of thunder, and ruler of all electricity. I am known in the city as the tremendously powerful Current Events and currently I am winning at this thing called life because I cannot be stopped by a something as trivial as a bolt of lightn—

  Zap!

  Ouch! I stuck my finger in my mouth due to the pain. Stupid broken elevator call button!

  Chapter 2

  The empty echo of my flats filled the parking garage as I paced back and forth.

  “Of course, he is late! Of course!” I muttered under my breath for the umpteenth time.

  “I’d hate to burst your bubble Sue, but he isn’t technically late.” Calamity reminded me from inside her protective Causality Bubble she was required to wear while not working. She was the only person I know who wouldn’t have looked completely ridiculous while being forced inside essentially a giant hamster ball. She still looked ridiculous, of course, but not completely ridiculous.

  “He is late. Remember on Friday when I told everyone to be here early on Monday because I wanted to drop some bags off at Neutralwill?”

  Calamity grimaced, “Sorry, not even a little.”

  That was fair, Calamity was known for her bubbly personality, not for her ability to remember simple things that happened only two and a half days ago.

  “I don’t remember that either,” Norton lazily replied while hardly even looking up from his Galactic Invader Lottery Ticket.

  “Of course, you wouldn’t remember, you’ve been too busy looking at that damn ticket.”

  I wasn’t amused.

  “I’m sorry, but I have a really good feeling about it this time Sue!”

  “You always have a good feeling about it, and you always lose.” I snapped back.

  Norton looked deflated, as if all his hopes had been crushed out in an instant. There was no reason to get mad at him over this.

  “Sorry Norton.” I apologized, “I’m not mad at you. I actually have a good feeling about this one too.”

  Norton perked up considerably, but was instantly smitten again with his ticket and was lost to the waking world.

  “Well I remembered!” Finally, there was another voice of reason in this madness. Don, lovely Don, held up various sacks with different ominous symbols stamped on them. A dripping sack with a biohazard symbol. A sack that irradiated heat with the highly explosive symbol. A sack that you couldn’t look at no matter how hard you tried that probably had some warning on it. “That’s why I brought my donations as well.”

  Don, lovely Don. The only other voice of reason here.

  “Can’t you maybe, I dunno, donate it after work or something?” Calamity casually offered.

  “No.” I finally stopped pacing and leaned against the news van in defeat, “No, they close before we are done work.”

  Calamity continued to help. “Don’t they have an after-hours donation bin?”

  “Yes, but then Xix’ler the Almighty doesn’t know it was me who donated it, and I want him to know I support his cause.”

  “Why don’t you just leave a note in the bag?” Calamity shrugged.

  I paused. That was a perfect solution. How could I have not figured that out in the three weeks I had been attempting to get to Neutralwill before work but could never make it because he was late. He was always late.

  I heard footsteps coming towards us. Finally, he was here.

  “It took you long enough!” I barked out at the footsteps and startled the poor person coming towards us who was not the person I had been waiting for. The new intern, and previously long-time paperboy, Torrance Lawrence. Poor thing dropped the coffee he was holding.

  “S-s-sorry Mrs. Squalls.” Torrance stuttered out.

  I apologized profusely to the poor awkward and still gangly probably-about-22ish-year old. He avoided me and returned to the reason he was coming over in the first place.

  “Sorry, Mr. Wethermin, I dropped your coffee.”

  “You didn’t need to bring me that, kid.” Don smiled.

  “But,” Torrance replied, “I wanted to thank you for helping to fix my car again, again, again.”

  Don whipped out his only slightly singed Banging Wrench. “Kid, I’m an Electronic Manipulation Talent. Fixing a car is no big deal when I can invent a death-ray with only chewing gum, drinking straws, and half a toaster.”

  Torrance nodded his head silently. “Thanks Mr. Wethermin.”

  “Please, it’s Don.”

  Torrance Lawrence waved and headed off towards his car. We watched him get in and drive off. I couldn’t help but be a little jealous of him having his own vehicle. I hated relying on a carpool.

  “I’m super jealous of his car.” Calamity said, as if reading my mind.

  “Same. I’d love to have the freedom of my own vehicle.” I replied.

  “No,” Calamity said. “It isn’t that. It is just super cute.”

  It was cute, to be fair. I know many a little girl who had dreamed of owning one of the coveted pink Mary Kay Cosmetics Cadillacs, myself included to be honest. Even if Torrance’s car had been having a bit of a hard time since it sputtered over the 750,000 miles mark, it was still better than my car. The only thing keeping the poor thing breathing at this point was the fact that Don jury-rigged it every two months or so when he got a ride with Torrance uptown to the barber shop Don liked. Pretty sure it was running off a fusion battery at the moment since Don’s talent didn’t work with mechanical things only electronics.

  I checked my watch. Again. Where was he? The person worthy of my scorn.

  We all heard his designer shoes echo through the garage as he approached. The illustrious Chetsworth, waster of my time, was finally gracing us with his presence.

  “You’re late Chetsworth!” I spat out before he could even say hello.

  Chetsworth held up his watch and pointed at it. “Chet. Actually Sue, I think you will find that I am five minutes early.”

  “Susanna. And no. We were going to drop off things at Neutralwill this morning, in case you had forgotten.”

  Chetsworth rolled his eyes, “Yeah, that’s why I am early.”

  “By all of five minutes? Five minutes isn’t early.”

  “How long do you expect it to take to drop off a few bags at a place that is literally across the street from where we are going?”

  I didn’t care if he had a good point. It was a stupid good point and I wasn’t going to accept it.

  “I wanted to go inside Chetsworth!” I glared back.

  “Chet! Then go between NNN Morning Sunshine and NNN at Noon Sue. You have like an entire hour and I will say this again for good measure, it is across the street from the station!”

  “Susanna. It’s out of the Neutral District. I am already wearing my Approved Neutral Clothes!”

  “It is across a one lane street that nobody is allowed to use, except for us. You could literally hand it to them without leaving the Neutral Zone if you met in the middle of the street.”

  “I know I could do that, but it wasn’t my plan!”

  “Clearly you need to plan better then.” Chet said smugly as he stepped inside the van.

  I replied with a look that would have killed Chet, if I had been lucky enough to be gifted the Talent of ice shards that shot out o
f my eyes. I got in the van and didn’t say another word during the entire three-minute drive to the NNN building. If it had been a longer trip my silent treatment probably would had been more effective, but I did it anyway on principle.

  Chapter 3

  Mia gave me a wide-eyed stare as I flew past her on the way to my desk and threw my Neutral Coat into her green arms. To my credit this was the first time in nineteen years that I had almost been late for a broadcast, but to Mia’s credit this was the first time in nineteen years that I had flown through the window while only in half of my proper uniform. The fluorescent yellow Neutral Pants clashed terribly with my outfit, but at least I had managed to get half-undressed to reveal my super suit while in flight, and it wasn’t like anyone at home could see my pants.

  Thanks to missing the elevator, I had to fly up here after donating the bags, and with only a few seconds to spare before we went live. Chetsworth used those few seconds to get a quick jab in.

  “Imagine that, the always punctual Sue was late.”

  “Susanna. And only nearly late, Chetsworth.” Was all the comeback time I had before the lights came on and the theme music to NNN Morning Sunshine started to play. There hadn’t been time for Chetsworth to correct me about his name, I had won a round.

  Norton began to talk in his ‘on-air voice’ to start the broadcast, as he always did.

  “Hello Maxima City and good morning! I’m your host Norton North, the mild-mannered secret identity of The Human Compass.”

  I followed in my ‘on-air voice’, as I always did.

  “And I’m your host Susanna Squalls, the mild-mannered secret identity of Current Events.”

  Norton continued, “Welcome everyone to Neutral News Network Morning Sunshine, where we tell you all the news you might have missed.”

  I followed, “And there was a lot of it this weekend.”

  “Too true, Sue. Too true, but first, speaking on weekends, how was yours?”